My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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