I wanna bring you to show and tell
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
