it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
