The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
