So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
