Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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