My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize