My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
