Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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