I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
