My nipple is on Facebook.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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