Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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