i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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