so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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