you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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