God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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