i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
