I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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