why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
