I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
