I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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