Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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