I like to think it a success when the cops are called
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
