No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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