I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
