woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
