I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
wanna go halves on a baby?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
