so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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