I need help removing her.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
