So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
