Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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