dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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