cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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