Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
