Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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