There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I could make wine with my vomit
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
