He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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