Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
