Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
