just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
