He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
