Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
