the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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