I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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