just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
