actually, I'm a sock model
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
