another moral hangover. fuck.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
