Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
