So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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