One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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