hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
