My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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