I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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