no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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