Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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