Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize