She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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