I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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