Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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