I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
