After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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