I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
