I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
