I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He? As in you personified your dick?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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