She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Found your dick twin last night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
