She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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