Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You were trust falling into bushes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize