:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
