If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
