It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
