drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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