mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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