I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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