I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You pole danced in your parka.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
