I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
