In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
