We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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