...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
should my penis look like a turkey
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
