??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
