Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
