If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
