i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
