Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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