It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
