I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
