I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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