His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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