I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Green mimosas i think yes
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
