Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize