I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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