some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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