wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
