Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
