Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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