you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
