I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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