he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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